on two separate occasions today this blog was brought up in conversations with friends (…was that even a coherent sentence…). speech 11 and in the circle, and on both instances my poems were mentioned. it’s so weird because i feel uncomfortable talking about my blog in person, but i’m also really proud of it internally and online. i don’t know. i don’t really write in any way that’s really noteworthy, at least not to my standards. everything is literally just feeling/word vomit, and i find the positive way people refer to my blog as hard to accept.

then i try to change the topic as soon as possible whenever it’s brought up, but on some odd days i’m the first to bring it up. inconsistent. i could be proud of this glorified diary on some days. i even tell my mother to just read my blog posts if she wants to know what’s happening in my life, sometimes. and it’s to the extent that she created her own wordpress partially to follow me.

i feel like learning to be proud of this blog all the time should be part of my 2015 to-do. i mean, yeah. i began this blog to record my thoughts and preserve memories, because i do both of those really badly. i began this blog for myself. but i can’t deny that it’s not really a private space anymore. it’s published and online. obviously.

this is a very long idle thought.