life update(s), ongoing

all days

thesis work is going slower than usual

x

18 (and 17) apr

i was talking to some debate friends yesterday, and we were reminiscing about previous rounds and tournaments. my greatest frustration persists. someone shares an interesting story, i ask more about it……. then they inform me that i was, in fact, there. lol.

anyway i was feeling super unsocial earlier because i was tired of all the friendship moments happening, all the socialization in between and immediately after rounds, the fact that i had to cram the editing of photos for leaf area measurements. but i had a little personal moment of pride when i was approached (two separate but kind of consecutive moments) by j from ust and j from upd and i made small talk!!! willingly and sincerely. i think i can really handle socialization with acquaintances in small, controlled doses.

in other other news, i just realized that this pidc is my last national tournament as a debater ever. lol. i mean i want to start judging (in my whole college career people refuse to let me judge, mostly because i am unabashedly bad at it. or at least i was).

i miss my family. i miss my home. i miss i miss i miss.

alsooooo tinder is so fun to use??

x

19 (and 18) apr

break night yesterday confirmed my inability to enjoy loud parties (with some exceptions) and my tendency to be whelmed* by something**.

*whelmed = neither overwhelmed nor underwhelmed

**something = getting 6th break lol

but anyway. today and i suppose yesterday were tough days, mostly because i was and is so bobo. just stupid. in general. how am i even a debater lol.

i was also bawling my eyes out in public this morning; i had a bit of isolated family drama. before that i got to talk to v about our thesis and catch up on assignments and requirements.

funny moments: jeepney e-kot, rita’s, me (myself and i) etc

yesterday i went to a lunch with the st. scho girls (not all of them).

after we got to manila today we bugged m to treat us postdinner, which she did. then i did some leaf area editing.

life is so strange. ive updated my collection of words recently.

im sleepy and tired. quarters to finals tomorrow exclamation point

x

20 apr

so many funny things happened to me, and by funny i mean hilariously inconvenient. i woke up 15 mins before the meet-up, i found out my ballet flats were dead, i couldn’t zip up the back of my dress by myself.

but yay made it in adb.

another random anecdote: when i got into adb, this guy from another insti talked to me while we were in line for id registration. lol. he brought up the fact that we had a mutual friend (philosophical bird j –there are too many j’s in the world), and the whole time i was thinking…… who is this guy talking to me hahaha i had to ask someone after.

i mean the guy was familiar, but we were definitely not yet in first-name acquaintance basis.

after quarters:

“we… are very proud.” hahaha history of random shitty replies right there

after everything:

it must be recorded for posterity that e is very cool and also very honest. i am very proud of you?? what. strangely. and i am looking forward to hanging out with you. i’d add an emoticon here if i were allowed by the rules of word vomiting

i like the fact that venti mocha frappe costs only 152 in starbucks adb. drinking any form of high-sugar drink makes me so hyper. i socialized so much. relative to me. it was so weird lol.

thank you to c for lending me shoes, btw

i am eternally sad for the fact that we did not do our best in at least half the rounds of our run, that i could not understand what we were actually fighting for and so i could not outwardly show my conviction, that i failed insofar (…is this one word…) as helping propel my younger teammates towards their next championship

also guys pls the 0.67 points away from a speaker award just breaks my heart

i could probably improve if only i try

duh

there’s still uadc before i go to med school and leave competitive debating for good

sigh support systems are the best i guess

congratulations to the people who won, and all the love in the world to the very first m in my life. you deserve your speaker awards; you definitely deserve more. you were so close. but there’s always next ndc to look to.

what else what else

after i finish writing this post, after i actually update it, i will have to accept that i need to get back to reality. a reality where our thesis is definitely still not writing itself

me right now:

that is all

x

21 apr 

NOTHING IS EVER OVER.

no really, as long as pts posts and new photos are still coming, my reactions will never stop.

i also belatedly realized that i never offered love to my teammates. to m and c, you make me feel so proud and happy and impossible.

that is really all. or is it.