It was a quick affair. My darling mother asked, “what do you want?”. I said a bento box, please, ebi tempura. And in a blink of an eye all I had left was this:

This says a lot more about my life than I would like. Fast, furious and quiet; burning moments that fly too quick for me to write, and too many passing sighs for me to remember.

Here’s a conservative glimpse of my days x

One. Blurring agendas.

The thing is, in the absence of regular blogging, I usually turn to my planner for a reminder of my past. Failing that, I would turn to my account records.

But affairs in this age are both too urgent and too infinite for me to jot; I haven’t asked What are my deliverables for next week? in quite a while. More or less it is a string of What’s due tomorrow? or if it’s the middle of the night, What do I need to cram in the next two hours? or, quite my favorite, Is it really a Monday today? It feels like a Friday to me. And there’s no breath left for me to react.

So to cut a whining story short, I am juggling –on top of academic work, org activities, my struggling social life and my equally struggling finances– this strange affliction. My time is lost, my time is rewound. It skips in beats in a race I have only begun to run.

Two. New beginnings and old tires.

Have you ever felt the sticky feeling of falling out of love? I have. Or rather, I am. Right now. Again. And while it might be a tad undiplomatic of me to explicitly air my grievances with this mysterious who (though to be honest, I will say what), I can end this paragraph with this: (metaphorical) absence does not make the heart grow fonder (only forget).

But I did say new beginnings, so there are some outcroppings of fresh love in my life. Say hello to my new slave-driver:

(Though she is less of a slave-driver and more of a particularly inspiring and intriguing opportunity.)

And this Monday we will be formally welcoming new members of the UP Manila Debate Circle. The food in the assembly is the incentive to attend. And the new breed, of course.

Can you feel the love? I try.

Three. Family affairs.

I am still out on whether “absence makes the heart grow fonder” stays true for other cases. Perhaps the absence needs to be more than several months for the fondness to set in; who knows?

Related case: I haven’t been going home as much as I did before, and ill-timed weekend exams, seminars, trainings, lunches and deliberations are to blame. I do miss free food, and my family, and the odd weekend trips to Laguna, but am I fonder of them? (Yes for the food, perhaps not for the latter.)

/Though I should note that Ate Risa visited me in my condo last Monday, to console me while I was sick and also probably to see me because I haven’t been home for a fortnight. Probably./

/I should also note that I love my family, and my family, strangely, loves me back. They feed me and clothe me and spoil me, though in this case “they” mostly means my mother./

But maybe I do become fonder in that case — I maintain that lovely things are best served in small and alternating amounts, including or especially pertaining to family members.

Am I still coherent? Last family affair: Due to the collaboration of both my warped timekeeping skills and my sadly distanced family state, I was surprised to note last Monday that my brother was out of the country. As in he flew to South Korea.

It was a time of inward cackling at my own lack of sisterly sensibilities. I knew, albeit distantly, that he was off to Korea –he asked me for visa documents at some point during the summer, after all– but I failed to connect dates and memories together. Yet even in my social failure to see or greet him off, I returned home last night and saw him wielding these cute and chocolate-y souvenirs:

My brother is the best brother, except for the part where I now need to buy shoes (as I don’t have any pair requiring socks on the daily). My brother is also inexplicably in Tagaytay for another trip this weekend. My brother is a jetsetter.

Four. Cravings.

Aside from the regular cravings I get (insert sfx), strolling through Greenbelt and some part of Glorietta yesterday and today has awoken in me the thirst.

Namely, FALL AND WINTER SEASONS MAKE ME SO THIRSTY FOR THICK SWEATERS AND KNIT WEAR AND REALLY UNIQUE COATS. SOMETIMES IN YELLOW.

AND BAGS. CAN’T FORGET THE CUTE BAGS. UGH. I’LL START MY REGULAR FASHION TOMORROW TO COMPENSATE. WATCH ME WALK THE RUNWAYS OF THE WORLD.

SIGH.

Five. Dreaming in technofuture.

Shared by a friend on Facebook, brought to life by a Manila Bulletin article… the organization CAMP Philippines (College Admissions Mentors for Peers in the Philippines) slowly crept to my attention. Its whole promise –mentoring high school students and aiding them sit for entrance exams abroad– is exciting, though quite late for me. So I fired them a quick e-mail asking about similar programs for graduate level studies, and the whole correspondence went like this:

While I have a healthy chance of getting into a top medical school here in the Philippines, there’s no harm in following a few more adventurous leads.

And the second dream I’ve recently sniffed at (my word choices amuse me) is this chance to get a job. Mentioned by a friend and then, by an almost serendipitous turn of events, advertised blatantly in my school, rarejob.com.ph may just be my ticket to getting more purchasing power at my young age.

I need something to sustain my heavy spending, and if it takes signing up to be an online video-call tutor for ESL students in Japan, so be it.

Six. My day, unencumbered. 

Yesterday and earlier I was in Greenbelt with my family, chilling out and generally spending an unwise amount of money. Oh well. The resulting relaxation provides some freedoms, such as the drive to actually start writing a more relevant blog post. (My last few posts here have been queued since the seventies haha). And tomorrow we’re returning to Greenbelt again because mother has an appointment in the salon, so I might get some more productive writing done.

My brother –I have mentioned he’s suddenly in Tagaytay, right? Apparently he’s spending the night there– liked the photo first. I think he misses me. Hihi.

Part of the whole shopping bit (though honestly it really couldn’t be called shopping) was this sisterly cuteness:

And here are more selfies, because I was inspired. I’m using my practice summer scarf, because I have no thick scarves for winter (and they can’t be used for as many styles anyway) and because it was on hand. I bought it for less than P300 in Singapore, and it is awesome.

I collect scarves, have I mentioned that? I love prints with character the best.

I didn’t edit the photos (taken with Bucky’s Photo Booth, by the way) because it’s already past midnight and I’m trying to keep a promise here (posts every Saturday, sigh). If there’re any concerns about the state of my face, let it be known that I spent some quality time with my dermatologist earlier today (hence the “beauty pampering” part of my detox).

I should probably end this post before it hits 2AM.

xxx

P.S. I’ve been updating my current events blog more in comparison to this one, as well as my tumblr. Not so much my sfx blog, but someday.

P.P.S. Thanks to those who just followed me! I’m not sure where you guys are coming from, but it does wonders for my orange soul!

…I’m pretty sure you’re here for my feminist essays, my book or movie reviews, or my other niche content, but. Please bear with the journal entries. <3

P.P.P.S. The blog post is entitled “the ephemeral life” but the 1600 word count is anything but ephemeral. Funny.