Forever mode: TIRED. Paralyzed by too much action and inaction. 

“Posting a new blog entry” has been in my mental and literal list of things to do for the past couple of weeks. I finally have the opportunity (and will) to do so –since I don’t have internet access, I can happily enteratin myself with some good old-fashioned pen and paper drafting action. Unfortunately this practice is turning out to be more challenging than it should be. I haven’t written anything of a diary sort for weeks, so there’s a lot of ground to cover. For the sake of posterity and my unfortunately selective memory.

1000+ words ahead. 

First: Motivation. It’s been a topic in our Psych 10 class, and it’s also indubitably relevant. Lately the days have been dragging on and on and on. Everything’s so repetitive and redundant-seeming; even major exmas don’t hold any gravity in my heart’s calendar (what?). The point is that it’s getting harder to get up each morning on time and with the intent of eating breakfast. Cutting class is such an irresponsibile and yet appealing option. Second: Busy-busy. There are a lot of things happening as well, which is probably why everything blends together so effortlessly. There’s a quiz, assignment, test or report everyday, and so every night is booked as a consequence. Stressful? Yes. I’d say I can’t wait for summer, but I’m pretty sure it would be an equally stressfull time.

Third: Good news. Though I can’t confidently say the same is true for now, last January’s weather was absolutely divine. It was perpetually cool, and I never (quite defiantly, really) wore a jacket in response. We enjoyed (and regularly commented on) the breeze every available moment, though that’s not saying much as we were building-bound 80% of the time.

Some realizations were made, also courtesy of our lively and fortunate (in the sense that it’s not very stressful /yet/) Psych 10 class. Realization 1: The real reason why being a doctor would probably fit me isn’t because it’s a lucrative job (though it is) or because it’s one my family would benefit from (though that stands true); it’s because it’s a profession where I won’t have much room to argue. I’ve this sometimes-horrible tendency to want or believe myself correct in all things; in practicing medicine, most of everything is clear cut and easy. Debating otherwise would be unwise in certain occasions, and unnecessary in most. It’s scientific. Re-realization 2: My multiple intelligence ratings have all gone up, though their ordering remains near constant. I’m fairly competent to very competent/comfortable in most fields, least of all on the Interpersonal level and most competent regarding Verbal/Linguistic intelligence. Re-realization 3: I love Psych 10 and similar bonding-introspection deals because at some point there is an ego boost session: the kind where you write good things about each other and happily read good things about yourself.

Fourth: New things. They are shiny and brilliant. I’ve been quite remiss in my resolution to save and deposit more money. The reason? I was tempted by two click-type Pilot pens (one liquid, the other ballpoint) which cost me around P140 total. I was similarly enraptured by the very notebook I’m drafting on: a P100+ Yeah! Just You… Mix & Match plain regular piece. In my defense there were limited copies left; clearly we were meant to be. But my lovely stationary materials aren’t the only new things (relatively new, now, as I’ve used them up a bit) in my life.

There’s also… (drumroll)… Suits! It’s a USA network (?) television series which first aired in 2011. It’s a show that’s been consistently advertised by my friends, but I never picked it up because I felt generally unimpressed the one time I watched the pilot. Well. I am so happy I gave it another go (it happened on another internet-less night). It is brilliant. As I’ve said. All the law and legalese, the sass, the quotes and the women! (And the men, so.) I’d write a review of it when season 2 ends, but I expect I’d only be writing odes to Jessica Pearson and Donna Paulsen.

Fifth: Health. In my theoretical head dreaming space I’ve always envisioned a better and more fit me. I am proud to say I’m being relatively active in reality. Every Wednesdays I swim together with my classmates for our PE class (though the secret to American Crawl and endurance still escapes me on occasion), and on weekend we (that is, my sister, mother, neighbor-friends and I) have resumed our tennis lessons. We’re graduating from our beginner course next session! It’s all so very fun actually. Just this weekend -while taking a break from arduously studying Bio 22 lab-  I watched bits of the 2013 Australian Open finals (I now know who Djokovic, Murray, Li Na, Azarenka and Federer are, fear me). Tennis scoring is a little complicated, all those points and games and sets to a match, but the game’s really enjoyable to watch.

Another health-related issue surfaced just this morning. I got the results of my chest x-ray, which I had taken in UN Clinical Lab for our annual physical examinations, and it writes: Dextroscoliosis, otherwise normal chest findings. Apparently my thoracic spine is deviated slightly to the right. Sigh. I suppose it’s nothing to really worry about, as I didn’t get a referral to the OPD from the doctor who checked us all up. It’s just really unfortunate and surprising. [On another note, my BMI is just 17. Since my last check-up (which was last May?), I grew 2 cm taller (yay!) and lost roughly 4 kg. I hope it’s because I’m toning up. Or something.]

Sixth: Memory. Okay so I think my brain is getting too crowded by nonsense. I can’t remember some things that actually happened; just this noon my classmates got to talking about the results of our first Chem lec exam. It took me five minutes and a lot of descriptions to remember I was there. God. I also had some sort of daydream last weekend -a Wansapanataym-esque wish-granting scene where I went back in time (to my grade 5 or grade 6 self) with all my memories up to the present intact. It’s actually a scary thought, since while I’d like to ace everything and go straight to Harvard the second time around, there were still a lot of things I experienced which I wouldn’t suffer again for the world.

But it led me to thinking of my daily motions in grade school and high school, and I was so frustrated because I can’t remember beyond the skeleton of my schedule. I remember my routine: going home, sleeping a bit, eating, washing up, computer… but I couldn’t remember any specifics. Where, how did I study? No significant assignment, project or some such comes to mind. I’m even beginning to forget the details of house’ history (we are currently on our fifth renovation, I think, this time on the downstairs bathroom and bedroom).

Gosh my hands are really taxed. Posts on nationalism, critical-thinking, movies (Life of Pi and Les Mis) should pop up some time.

:) Ahh.