For the first time in my adult life, and in fact for the first time in roughly two decades, I don’t know where my life is going. I ended high school knowing I wanted to be a medical doctor. From there the next ten years of my life was set. When I was reviewing for the board exams, I was certain my next steps would lead me back to UP Manila as a Family and Community Medicine resident. A year of chief residency only delayed the inevitable, which is the great unknown.
But I know some things. I know, for example, that I would give someone’s kidney (certainly not mine) to afford a BTS concert as they come back this year for their world tour. I know that in less than a year or so, I should be on a trip to San Francisco to go to MOMA and then to New York to visit the Met. In two years’ time, I could be back in Madrid and taking a trip to Seville for the first time, now more fluent in Spanish (I’m currently in level A2.2). In five, ten or fifty years, my life will still be full of beautiful things.
But the backdrop of my heart’s desires escapes me. Where am I working? Aside from resting at home during the weekends, where am I staying? What else am I doing?
I am, for the first time, unsure of what comes next.
This isn’t unique or groundbreaking content. Most adults fresh out of college go through the same ordeal. Many probably live comfortably in a state of constant flux and uncertainty. I certainly remember my sister’s post-college months of jobless ennui.
It’s human, so it’s reassuring. And it’s a by-product of capitalism, which makes it slightly enraging. Only the harsh and unforgiving necessities of this too-human body prevent me from fully enjoying this whimsy. Thus, this 2026 kick-off blog.
That is – I do need to pay rent, and afford the occasional overpriced coffee. How can I afford the Nike 24.7 ImpossiblySoft windrunner set I’ve been eyeing? The trip to Melbourne we already booked for the year? I’ve already been abstaining from my monthly spa dates and I haven’t had my hair colored in almost a year… This low maintenance state can’t last forever.
What can sustain the in-between? Unfortunately or fortunately, my decisions over a decade ago have led me to one answer: work.
But what work? Where?
In some ways, the rigor of training in the Philippine General Hospital –the national university hospital– has spoiled me. I can also dig out my MBA, which has been gathering dust somewhere. The possibilities are endless, if I only dare to apply myself. Research, public health and health systems, patient care, fellowship, academe and teaching… Here in Manila, in the neighboring cities, abroad. I can probably find joy in anything and still contribute to my soul’s demands while I’m at it, but will I be truly happy? Will my hunger for purpose be well-fed?
One week into 2026. Maybe it’s time to lobby for Universal Basic Income in the Philippines, including and especially for the indecisive unemployed citizens like me. And then I can continue relying on friends and soliciting dates for all the rest that need sustaining.
But I’m directionless, not shameless. Probably.
As is true the last four years of my life, I’ve been keeping a pocket-sized planner to rule my every day. Currently it says nothing except the following:
- Gym appointments (I am also now paying for a personal trainer)
- Skin care sessions (thankfully –prepaid by my 2025 self)
- Dreams of adulthood, as in driver’s license renewal and biking lessons
- Leftover errands from our stint at chief residency
I’ve also added a girls’ weekend in Makati, and, tentatively, a visit to the Metropolitan Theater this month. Somewhere I have a list of travel videos and book reviews and blogs I want to write, but since none of my subscribers are paying me for it, there’s really no rush.
As I have no definite plans on what else to fill in my days, I’m writing this blog post and opening up the question to the universe: where do I begin?
Maybe the answer will come to me tomorrow. Maybe I’ll save an incognito billionaire’s life as I commute home. Or maybe a carrier pigeon will drop a career map on my way out this coffee shop.
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Until next time! ♥
jari m 
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