As the sun sets and the year draws to a close, our office calendar is down to its final pages*. I’m writing this at the end of another long day, one that included moderating this year’s Open House. It’s recruitment season again, and we’re on the hunt for a new group of residents. And that means it’s almost time for me to go.
Being Chief Resident for Training and Research (as opposed to Chief Resident for Administration and Service, which I’m only too glad Dena took on) has been and still continues to be difficult to put into words. I can describe it as a challenge, a blessing, a career stepping stone, or just a routine job.
Most days I find the joy in learning how to be part of a training system or in ticking off all my tasks. We laugh a lot at stupid things, or at outright stupidity. I rely heavily on overpriced iced coffee from Barista Blends, though I try to switch it up with my own instant coffee. Flow finds me in front of spreadsheets or forms. Late night messages are left unread, unless they come with a consult. The variety within the routine might be why I’ve never found the time to sit down and write about it all.
Tonight’s the night I decided to make time. I’m racing against a busy next few weeks —start of pre-residency and a flight to Lisbon to catch, then accreditation period for our society, then diplomate exams and also another flight to catch, this time to Korea, and then OSCE, and then, and then. Missing out while I’m in this semi-calm before the storm might mean my next career-related post will be in 2026. God forbid.
Few years from now, wherever my career trajectory, ambitions, and need for a living may take me, I want to look back at the year 2025 and feel a little bit of pride. That happened, I was there, I did that.
*Saying the year is about to close when it’s only the first week of September is a Filipino tradition along the lines of setting up Christmas lights the night of August 31.
January — Learning the ropes
My first journal entry for the year 2025 read “I feel like I’ve already lived a lifetime.” That was the 4th of January. By that time, we’ve apparently already gone through a 7AM Residents’ Staff Conference, several sit-down meetings, errands and desk work, and Chief Rounds for feedback.
The earlier months of chief residency were flavored with a lot of “low-level anxiety”. I think this must be common to a lot of middle managers*. I can spend several peaceful days in a row waiting for the other shoe to drop, as if there’s always a low to mid level crisis in the horizon. Caring for people’s welfare also doesn’t come naturally for me, aside from the abstract.
There were several moments where I had to laugh at myself, thinking ‘is this really something I have to worry about?’ Sometimes it’s scratching my head at weird miscommunication blunders, or asking after residents’ requirements like a shepherd herding sheep, and even waiting for consultant replies like a particularly green executive assistant.
January also meant establishing new routines… some of which I still haven’t locked down, and probably never will. Seven AM didactics remain a struggle. Training and research sounded simple before I accepted the task, but there are so many moving parts that I never had to think about as a resident. It’s a Sisyphean task of administration and teaching that I only glimpsed as a graduating resident. And the rewards are never really within sight.
Schedules of the week, of the rotations of the year, budget for the training, setting and attending meetings, coordinating with students, following up on research, redesigning training activities, giving feedback, making exams, coordinating college requirements, and all the little side quests in between.
Being locked in an office cubicle demands more creativity and intentionality just for some more enrichment; the 3.5 walls make me feel a little depressed. At least they’re painted yellow? The heart grows quiet without the sun.
The office setup: I inherited this cubicle from Ma’am Airam, who served as Chief Resident for Training and Research for two years in a row. Whiteboard of research progress at the back (which has progressed a tiny bit more by now), some candles on the table along with my coffee mug. We let go of updating the whiteboard with the monthly calendar on the right; it remains empty for now. Painting of the sun setting on a sunflower field by Dr. Alphius, the outgoing Chief Resident when I was a pre-resident whom I truly admire (I love when things go full circle). The gorgeous custom leather bag my mom gave me for my last birthday, from MarkedHQ —catch his art on Instagram. The less said about the rat(s), the better.
*Somehow, getting my MBA from the Ateneo Graduate School of Business didn’t prepare me for the relational and internal struggles of the Middle Manager. Who would have thought.
February: Another graduation, another challenge
As it so often does, February passed by in a blink. Our department celebrated “PAGSIBOL: UP-PGH DFCM Residents’ and Fellows’ Graduation and Recognition Ceremony” with the efforts of the Wellness Committee. Dena, Kenneth and I, among other residents, received some awards. My mom came and enjoyed the celebration.
Read more: FCM Residency: Sinag 2024
The rest of February is hazy and insignificant to my memory, though my journal would say otherwise. I dealt with several personal issues, and still found the time to go on a good Feb art weekend and a galentine’s dinner. Professionally, I struggled with pulling my weight as the internals chief —I think it was around this time that it truly set in how much work the externals chief also had to deal with, from routine non-academic events to special activities for our Department’s 50th Anniversary, on top of day-to-day service concerns.
I cannot stress enough how lucky I am to not do this alone, and at the same time, to even have the privilege of having a job secured for the entire year. As I learned and kept learning throughout the year, the job of organizing the middle is a job best shared.
#KwentongDFCM is one of the socials and advocacy projects for the 50th Anniversary Celebration of the PGH Department of Family and Community Medicine (which falls mainly in the purview of the externals chief). This episode was released as a Valentine’s special, and features a story of love between two then-residents of the department, who later became leaders in training/academe. This was also made almost entirely through the efforts of our residents. Isn’t that alone something to be proud of?
March: Milestones and research
Around this time last September, I spent a weekend cramming and revising my research paper for final submission to the PGH research week, only to still miss the deadline. That blurry time involved a series of sleepless nights punctuated by speed-writing and almost-but-not-quite harassing my co-authors for inputs. And now, in a little less than two weeks, almost to the anniversary of that final research paper deadline, I’ll be flying out to present that same paper in the 2025 WONCA World Conference in Lisbon.
But a few more milestones before I circle back to research. The annual convention of the Philippine Academy of Family Physicians held last March also happened to be our conferment as Certified Family Physicians, the first and prerequisite step to taking our diplomate exams this October. It’s an academic rank that can be obtained only by those who have completed Family and Community Medicine residency.
It’s a comfort that I get to explore the first few arcs of my career with Dena and Kenneth (and Paige, who for some technical reasons was not able to join us). And it’s a privilege to have this photo of our conferment taken with some of the pillars of our profession —Dr. Irene Maglonzo, Dr. Dada Leopando, and Dr. Karin Garcia. They do also happen to be regular faces or faculty in our department, but it’s still neat.
This is also the first (and also hopefully the last?) time I joined the national convention as an organizer, instead of a participant. I was volunteered to join the registration committee, which I admit was at least a good learning opportunity in the adult world of events organizing. It’s also a testament to the truth that junior consultants are to senior consultants what residents are to junior consultants. We grow in increments. I’m still thankful to my consultants for the opportunity to help, but I suppose I like it better when I get to attend sessions.
And the plot twist or milestone to the national convention was the privilege of taking 2nd place in the national oral research contest. I like doing research as a process and as a learning method, but I’m not particularly good at it (yet). This must be thanks to the efforts of my co-authors, Dr. Gen and Dr. Aileen, and to the privilege of getting feedback from our VC for research, Dr. Shiela. But maybe also thanks to the relevance of my topic.
Read more: Awareness, Perceptions and Attitudes on PhilHealth Konsulta (2024) – Original Observational Research
April: Rest and recharge
April passed by almost as quick as February, mostly because I spent the first two weeks celebrating my mom’s 60th birthday in Europe (more on that when I have the time). The relative generosity of our department when it comes to leave benefits remains one of the biggest selling points of PGH DFCM residency. Then, another quarter of the month passed by in a flash due to Holy Week celebrations.
The world felt stable enough that I could take a step back and take a break. In contrast to clinical duties, no one directly and immediately dies as a result of a hiccup or missed day at the office. Usually. And I always find a bit of comfort in that.
Read more: Europe 2025: Museum and Art Tour
I also considered and wrote down on my journal, for the very first time, pursuing a Master’s degree after chief residency, though some people have said that amount of higher education might be too excessive at this point. Here’s to the mystery that is the future.
May: Staying grounded, World Family Doctor Day
I was getting more into the swing of things in chief residency. My journal was filled more with thoughts of balance —how I could get more exercise, celebrate my weekends out with family, and set a meeting with myself to look back on my wellness goals. Most of those things never did materialize, but that’s more to do with personal discipline than with the activities last May.
May is always an interesting time, due to the annual World Family Doctor Day. Our residents led the organization of three events: DFCM Talks, Family Day, and a culinary medicine workshop. Aside from that, I think we also set up another internal special event (State of the Department Address) around this time. I attended my first (and again probably last) general assembly for the PAFP Manila chapter.
Read more: Milestones in year three — World Family Doctor Day in 2024
The month of May also provided, in itself, a little bit of hope. The year was almost halfway over.
The month of May also came with a kind of acceptance. I had my fair share of frustrations and expectations, which I felt powerless to address or advocate for. Unfortunate things happen to even the best of people. On the other hand, imperfect systems protect even the most obvious of injustices. But eventually, my head screwed back on and I realized that there’s only so much I can do with the space I was given. And that’s okay. At the end of the day, the job of a chief resident is a job on the ground. Compromise and calm were key.
June: Days pass by
I’m looking back at what happened in June and I remember only the non-work related bits of it. I apparently gave a lecture (?), volunteered as an OSCE patient for medical students, and screened some patients during a flu drive. I continued to attend my after-work Spanish classes.
This was also my last month as a “Medical Officer III”. By some bureaucratic and frankly unfair tomfoolery, Dena and I were time-sharing a higher item. This was us during the hottest oath-taking on the first of July. 💚
July: Taking liberties, taking flight
Definitively past the halfway mark of chief residency, I felt more confident and free. As Emily Dickinson said (and as I apparently wrote in my journal): I dwell in possibility.
The concept of transition and the looming diplomate exams started to creep in. I arranged some final lectures and filled out more budget support requests. BTS returned from military service, which deserves some mention for skewing my sleep schedule and also my medium-term priorities (it now includes: earn enough to fly out for a BTS concert again).
Read more: j-hope in Macau 2025 | Travel and Concert Blog
The possibilities in June also included our first (and hopefully not the last) trip as an FCM residency batch. Cheers to the stars that aligned our schedules, finances, and also the 2025 Hong Kong Primary Care Conference for a weekend.
I actually break out in hives (or fall into a depression) when I don’t get regular art museum exposure. That weekend in Hong Kong gave me the chance to finally visit the relatively-new M+ museum. There were so many good pieces there, not to mention a special exhibit on Picasso and the East. More on that when I clear through my ever-growing travel backlog.
August: Almost full circle
I always associate the end of summer with change. It’s a holdover from Americanization… I almost expect to see the leaves change their colors by September, which is ridiculous. We only have rain and more rain.
But the sentiment remains. We opened residency training program applications last month, and the old have to make space for the new. Some of our senior residents submitted their final research paper drafts for correction at the end of the month. We released the survey for the next chief residents. I started the daunting process of getting our accreditation requirements together.
Bigger and bigger circles. There was a serendipitous moment last month when Kenneth, Dr. Ian, and myself were wearing official department polo shirts. Dr. Ian was our (sole!) chief resident when we were first-year residents, and now I’m the outgoing internals chief resident as he continues to lead our department in the PGH New Clark City extension. Time flies by crazy fast.
August also meant the start of a new academic year. So far, I’ve handled three elective students (with two currently taking their electives). One of them happens to be an exchange student from Barcelona, which is an interesting and rare enough thought that I’m sharing a photo here. Since September, I’ve also volunteered to facilitate two small group discussions, and coordinated with another department for lectures and discussions under the Hospice and Palliative Medicine division. There will be a student awarding ceremony next week, and several more SGDs I’ll be missing out while I’m in Lisbon.
I facilitated a discussion of Kwento ni Rosario, an exploratory application of health systems and patient-centered thinking, with first-year medical students on their first month of school. I can’t even remember the last time I sat in an SGD, let alone the first time.
Someday these moments will fade from memory too. But maybe the feeling of coming full circle will remain.
What’s next?
This time of transition excites me so much, but it can easily become overwhelming. For the first time in my life, my next steps aren’t so obvious —the day I joined the medicine exposure track for career day when I was a senior high school student quite literally locked in the last 14 years of my life. It was an automatic and straightforward road from biology to medical school to family medicine residency. My only dilemma and hiccup was not getting into UP College of Medicine, but even that segued neatly to ASMPH.
I’m a little bit excited to go back to clinical work and say, “ay, doctor nga pala ako”. But at the same time, I don’t think I can let go of my tendency to critique and evaluate the circumstances around me, which asks for something a little more project- or program-oriented… I’m giving myself until March 2026 to decide on my next steps. I manifest only good results for my batch in the mean time. Whether that’s here or there, I’ll leave my future self to decide. For tomorrow, it’s back to my office desk and the daily grind.
Until next time! ♥️
jari m 
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